Before I start this one, let me point it out that the main focus will be Twitter; just as other social media apps will be discussed.
So, we might have seen social media users categorise fellow users according to how they use the platform, including; users who observe, politicians, threadists, sex/relationship specialists, wise advisers, ‘the medical team’ and so on like that.
However, my own categorisation will focus on character and the kind of sense (and non-) they post.
Though threadists seem to have reduced how much they post, there was a time when they fly to their phones – or laptops – whenever an issue is discussed on social media. Some take their time to do little research on the topic – the cause, the pioneer and other details. Several others just post as soon as they see the headline. Now, this happens on all social media. After all, Instagram, Facebook does not limit how many characters you write.
You read posts from some of these threadists and wonder how they have followers, then you read the comments under and want to type ‘smh’. It won’t be fair not to say that most of those threads (or long pieces) can be said in one paragraph. But, as per wise person na, e go do pass.
Their aim is just to show that they can write, can give advice and can provide solution to every single problem that is discussed online. But they fail to understand that you can’t be knowledgeable on every aspect of life. No professor of English should want to teach Mathematics!
But thanks to the ones who do justice to issues using verifiable facts and figures; not some abstract long piece focusing on ‘I heard’.
We have those who do nothing but beg. These ones are really annoying. Most times, it seems their time budget reads: go online, beg from 8am to 4pm, then a nap, eat, sleep and repeat.
This category of people would beg on their grandparents grave and claim ‘everybody does it’ when “there is a caught”. They make other users think twice before they offer help. And you know what is most annoying? A chunk of these people have shamed the same person they’re begging from at some point.
Let’s move on to the ignorant lot. You can’t tell me that you don’t wonder how these people think sometimes. Imagine what runs in the brains of those who believed that Muhammadu Buhari is a clone from Sudan. The arguments surely thrilled you. I mean, someone says, “na true oo, you no see him ear and nose, e don change oo. See him skin sef”. Lol!
The ignorant users sometimes make you want to tear your shirt, pick up a cane and give them 15 lashes each. You know, like the secondary school days. For this category, there is a grade system. The hierarchy begins from Facebook, to Instagram, to Twitter. You might want to exempt LinkedIn users from this one.
I’m Funny and that’s it
Did you know there are some people who actually think they are always funny? They are in the same category of supposed story-tellers who have MVP mothers, fathers, siblings, friends, colleagues etc. The funny ones post one ‘funny’ thing now, see five ‘lols’ and conclude that they have made it as comedians.
Future Nollywood Script Writers
We cannot deny that we have people who write fictional stories and write them well. You will love reading stories from this set of people. They usually keep you to the end. But, there are others on the other side. *Don’t shout it please*.
We will come to users who claim ‘influencers’ once they hit 10,000 followers or 4,000 friends for Facebook.
Legend of the (Validation) Seeker(s)
Let’s talk about users who always look for validation for the claptrap – and vice versa – of what post.
You don’t see these ones arguing with people who have reservations with what they have posted. They usually send people who agree with them to disagreeing users, by commenting under their new-found friends’ comments.
You will see something like: “Don’t mind her/him. I intentionally wrote that in simple English for my point of view to be understood but no, they must always disagree.” Wait! We must always agree with your point of view? They are excited when two or more users validate the point they’ve made.
The ‘Block’ Industry
On another side of the coin are users who are always angry. Similar to validation seekers, but will lash and block anyone who dears them. Like “who the heck are you with your 200 followers to tell me this is not right. Is it your page. Why are you following me in the first place? In fact, blocked!”
The angry users only like, retweet and repost users that agree with them. Sometimes, they don’t even argue. When they do, they will curse the people’s generation, tell them how poor they are, use their DP as object of ridicule. Mehn! They make sure the abuse ‘enters’.
The A** Lickers
Interestingly, I almost forgot the a** lickers.
Hmm…sigh of pain.
Sycophants, hypocrites, outright liars, propaganda pushers, fake and bad news lovers, fake life gods, situational/e-activists are all the users I want to itemise under a** lickers. They form the majority of users on social media – to be honest.
Before you see five posts you will see at least one.
They make life miserable for users that just want to connect with other users, learn from them, and add their own voice to conversations. They don’t allow other users to breathe, especially when you can’t avoid them. Their e-soldiers will retweet, like, repost, share, screenshot, make into a video, so, somehow, it will get to you. Unavoidable lot!
Interestingly, all these people add one flavour or the other to social media. I mean, it can’t all be straight forward poems and hymns to God. There has to be noise too.
You see those ones that say they are ‘influencers’…we will have that conversation later.